Why?

I feel like I can never please anyone or ever do the right thing. Why must I be in a such bad mood while everyone else is in such a good mood. That may sound selfish but it kills me that I can never be in a good mood for 24 hours. I need to get myself back the stage where I'm always happy and life is good. I have a feeling like that is going to take a long time. I need to stop cutting, I need to clear my head, I need to have someone there for me 24/7. No one really knows that I'm kinda sensitive, people push my buttons all the time and ruin my day. I hate it! I just want to look the person in the eye and say, "Do you really want to give me the feeling of wanting to go cut myself, because that's all I want to do right now!" I can't keep feeling like that, in a way it seems like an excuse to make me happy. I think that's a bad thing but I don't know it may be good for me to want to say those things, may be it will help me stop. I don't know why I have to feel like this all the time, I am tired of it. I want all of it to go away. Why must I have to turn to cutting myself every time something goes wrong? Why can't I live like I used to? People look at me and see a innocent girl, but hardly any of them truly know what I am going through and what I do to myself. I really wish that I can stop all of it. Start new. Live a happy, healthy life...